El Fin

Has it really been a year? For the most part these past few days I just keep looking around and saying wow, time flew. I look at my room here, at my surroundings, at the kids houses, at my classroom and think, have I really existed in this place for a whole year? And wait, it’s already over?? Today Becca and I had our despedida (going away party type thing), something we were NOT looking forward to at all. We knew saying goodbye would be hard but it was worse, we both sobbed throughout the entire thing. The kids sang and danced, lots of words were said, and the volunteers put together this amazing video of all the kids saying things to the camera along with a slide show of pics from this year. It was beautiful, but it was a tough hour to get through. At the end Becca and I each got up and said a few words through our tears. I couldn’t say much but what I hope I got across was how much this year has meant to me.

I am so thankful to every single one of these precious children. They have opened my eyes to the harsh realities of this world, yet also allowed me to see the greatest beauty in their amazing adorable faces. They have shown me my faults, sometimes by saying them right to my face (got to love the innocence and honesty of a child), and I have grown and matured so much in this time.

I am beyond grateful for my amazing family of volunteers. We’ve become such great friends, I can’t stand the fact that I will soon wake up and not go out to meet the girls for our run or eat breakfast together or make fun of each other and laugh endlessly together. I truly could not have asked for a better group, I could not have made better friends.

I am so grateful for Miss Aly and my kids in Escuela Miller. They taught me to have patience I didn’t think I was capable of, lifted me up, loved me without question, and put a huge smile on my face every single day of this year. The laughter alone made every moment in that class worth it; and their smiles and hugs were like little presents they gave me on a regular basis. I have loved working in that class more than anything, I can’t even put into words what it has meant to me. I will never forget those children.

I also want to thank all of you at home who kept me going with your encouraging emails, fb messages, and phone calls. I am so grateful for your love and support, and it is so nice to know that even though I am leaving what has become my home, mi hogar, I am going back to a place where I am loved.

My flight leaves Monday afternoon so I still have a few precious days to spend here at the Albergue (although I think they will be spent mostly doing a lot of crying and saying goodbye). I arrive in the states Tuesday morning and it’s off to a busy summer right away. I’m grateful for the things I have to look forward to, and I’m excited to start this next chapter of my life, but I know that this place and these people have touched my heart – their words, their actions, their faces and the beautiful memories I have will be just there, in my heart, forever and always.

Pictures from my last week at the albergue will be posted after I get home…

un poquito loco

So as of monday I have two weeks left of this part of my life, but that certainly hasn't keptthings from getting a bit loco. This past 2 weeks or so have been full of ups and downs, it'sdefinitely been busy. Below are some pictures of what things have been like here lately...

The morning that Becca and I got back from Huaraz we were told we needed to go and talk toSusanna as soon as we walked into the gates of the Albergue. We went straight to her roomand found her bags packed and her eyes teary. Susanna, Becca and I have all been here sinceJuly/August so we've grown pretty close. We were all supposed to leave around the same time (end of June). Well, Susanna had found at the night before that her dad was extremely ill andthat she needed to fly home right away (she would be leaving for good that afternoon). Wewere very sad for Susanna's dad but we were also hit with the fact that we suddenly had to saygoodbye to our friend when we thought we still had a month together. Needless to say it was aday filled with tears. Fortunately Susanna made it home safely and her father is now doingmuch better. Below is a pic of my class during the quick despedida we did for Susanna.

Spelling out "We Love You" and singing for Susanna

In what may have been an effort to get our spirits up after Sus left, Becca and I organized akiller Albergue wide game of Red Rover. All the kids came out to play, as well as most of thevolunteers and some of the workers! It was a great time.

With Sofia (one of the little girls in my class I've gotten really close to), Edwiiiin, y Pablo (oneof our twins) before the big Red Rover game.

Our youngest baby here turned 2 years old!! These are some pics of an afternoon I spent withhim during laundry time, is he not the cutest thing ever???

A few days after Susanna left we had to say another sad goodbye to two of our other volunteers(John and Lori). We had a big despedida and us volunteers performed yet another coreografia(song and dance)! haha It was definitely hard to see them go, we were so blessed to have suchan amazing group this past year. We had so much fun together.

With Abel at John and Lori's despedida.

I had just been thinking that we hadn't gotten any new kids recently, and it seems as though Ijinxed that! On Sunday it was my turn to watch Abel and Italo during church so we were theonly ones left at the Albergue. We were sitting in one of the houses when the vigilante came inand told me someone had left a kid in a wheel chair at our door/gate and asked if I could watchhim. Of course we welcomed him in, although I wasn't really sure that we had the ability tocare for his special needs. The picture above is of our new boy, Luis, with Abel and Italo, a fewhours after he first arrived.

Yesterday evening after work we looked out over the alfalfa fields next door to see a HUGEwildfire! And we're talking really big and REALLY close to the albergue. Some of themaintenance workers headed out to try and help put out the fire (even though it wasn't on ourproperty). They also brought along with them a bunch of our boys to help (not sure I agreewith the decision to bring 8 year olds that close to a fire, but hey I guess they needed the help). They did the best they could but there simply was no putting it out last night, so we all went tosleep with a fire blazing next door. When we woke up this morning for our daily run, the firewas still going strong and there was debris EVERYWHERE. Jen and I tried to run but onlylasted 15 minutes - we came back up feeling like we couldn't breath and covered in black sutand debris that was still flying through the air. Luckily the fire was put out at some point todayalthough apparently one house was destroyed in the process. Here are a few pics of ourvolunteer fire fighters hard at work.

They used shovels to try and stomp it out.

This is a project I did with my kids in class when we talked about family. They understand nowthat even though they might not have a traditional family of a mom and dad, they do have ahuge wonderful loving family here at the albergue. Each one of them made a member of thefamily (that's me on the right with the pink dress; I think my favorite is Abel's version ofSusanna - the one with crazy blonde hair). As the number of days I have left here gets shorter and shorter, I am starting to wonder how I'm going to be able to leave this familia. I thought I would be ready but I'm not quite there yet!!!

Huaraz

This past weekend Becca and I took a trip to Huaraz - a beautiful mountain town in Peru. We did lots of hiking, rock climbing, and general sightseeing. Everything was gorgeous, and so quiet and calm. I loved it, I think it might be my favorite place in Peru (after the albergue of course!). Here are some pics from the trip. (p.s. i don't know why this is blue and I can't figure out how to change it!!!).

Only 4 Weeks Left

It is so strange to say that, so strange to write it and to see it. There were certainly times throughout this year that I struggled and felt as though time was barely crawling by. But now, as it always seems to be, I look back and I cannot believe that the days and weeks and months have flown by so quickly. I can remember many phone conversations early on where I said to the patient friend or family member, “what am I doing? It’s only been a month, how could I possibly stay here for an entire year?” And now I feel more grateful for this year than I ever could have imagined.

Lately my days here seem to be filled with a lot of emotion. It has suddenly hit me that I don’t have much longer here and in my head I have begun to do the thing where you count how many more of this thing or that thing you will do (I only have 4 more Sundays, I will only teach my gym class 3 more times, we will only have 4 more volunteer meetings…) Fortunately I’m not yet counting the things I will really miss – the mornings that I walk into the class room and all the kids run to hug me and say my name “Tia Corniii” as if they hadn’t just seen me the night before; the amount of laughter that comes each day from working with these amazing, adorable, hilarious little children; the joy that comes when after teaching a child how to write the letter “E” or how to subtract for what seems like hours or in some cases days or weeks, they finally grasp the concept; I’m not counting any of that, partially because there are still too many left and partially because I don’t think I could handle it. In addition to dealing with the emotion of my time here coming to an end, we have been having a lot of big issues with some of our kids. I have known this entire year that these kids come from horrifying pasts, places that I know I could never completely understand no matter how hard I try. This week I was confronted head on with some of those pasts, and found myself lacking the strength to hold it together. The evil that has been done to some of these precious little children is something that brings me to tears every time I allow myself to think about it. I have found myself struggling with how evil such as this could exist, how it would be allowed to exist. I know that I have led a relatively sheltered life in comparison, but I have certainly always been aware of what existed outside of my world. I guess this year is just the first time I have really had to deal with or confront those evils in a real way, the first time I have had them so close to home.

My high of this past week happened on Friday afternoon during my daily tutoria (or homework time). I work with the first and second graders – there are about 9 of them and they all need help ALL the time, on everything. Needless to say it can get pretty crazy and stressful. One of the little girls that I work with in the class is also there because her other tutoria wasn’t working out – she is 8 years old but had no schooling before arriving at the orphanage a few months ago and she frustrates very easily. When she feels as though she can’t do something it’s like she closes off completely; you can almost see the wall come up and you know it’s going to be almost impossible to break down. She had no homework since Friday was test day so I was having her practice writing the letter “m.” After 5 months she’s got all the vowels and the letter “p” but she just can’t seem to get “m.” So, we were practicing and I could see her face hardening and her little hand stiffening up. When she would write the letter wrong and I would tell her ok, let’s count the legs (since there should only be 3 and she had about 8), she refused to count and then eventually counted 4, 2, 6, 3, etc. even though she now knows how to count from 1 to 9 perfectly. I took a second to breath and realized that this was not going anywhere good and that I was looking forward to two hours of both of us being frustrated. I was also about 100% sure that one of us would end up crying and slamming doors. SO, I decided to take things in a different direction. I had been thinking lately that if she can count from 1 to 9, I bet she can probably learn to add pretty easily. I had confidence that she could do it and I knew that accomplishing it would make her so happy. So I began to teach her and after only 20 minutes she was doing it! She was adding! She kept looking at me with that amazing smile she has and saying Tia, look at me, I’m adding! She was so happy. This little girl happens to be one of the children whose real past I had learned this week. I had hardly been able to look at her without feeling my throat catch and my eyes begin to get heavy with tears. I just could not imagine that we live in a world where anyone could hurt this precious little angel the way she has been hurt. After what had really been a wildly successful Friday afternoon Tutoria, I began to realize the only thing that would allow me to move on and put her past to the side. At least now this child was safe. At least now she is not being harmed, neglected, horribly abused. At least now she is not scared all the time. At least now she smiles. At least now she can add!!!!

Here are some pics from the past few weeks:

Leaving the Albergue - going out for lunch and ice cream for Isabel's birthday

Feliz Cumpleaños Isa!!!

Also took Carolay out for her 15th bday, Feliz Cumple Carolay!!!

Mother's Day

Mothers Day is coming up this weekend and although I live in a place where “real” mothers are sadly lacking and often times the cause of much sorrow and pain, the theme of Mothers Day seems to be all around. Instead of ignoring the holiday, it seems to have been decided that we would celebrate it just as if all was normal, if not even more so. In school we have done multiple projects specifically for mothers day - making picture frames for our mothers, painting jewelry boxes for our mothers, drawing pictures of our mothers, etc. I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. Of course the women here who act as temporary mothers to these children should be honored for what they do, but should we really be having these kids make art projects and discuss mothers day ad nauseam when the truth is most of their mothers have abandoned and/or done much worse things to them. Do these women deserve to be honored? Do they deserve to have a day just to make them feel special? And more, do these kids deserve to be reminded over and over that they are without their mothers? The main teacher in my class told the kids that even though they may not be with their mothers right now, they should always remember that their mother loves them and they should never stop praying for her. I know this is right, I know that is a good way to think about it, but honestly I'm having a hard time with it. During our most recent mother focused art project I just about broke down right there in class. Abel is one of the little boys in my class, he and his older brother Italo are both special and have a hard time annunciating their words and therefore get by using very few of them. The art project was that the kids were supposed to draw a picture of themselves and their mom. Abel is very artistic and he is also extremely stubborn. I was standing next to him trying to explain the assignment - I kept repeating "You need to draw Abel and mamá." He kept shaking his head at me, shrugging his shoulders and saying no. The main teacher repeated no Abel, you need to draw yourself and your mother. It was very strange to me that I was being told to ask him to do this, knowing that Abel has been at this orphanage since he was probably about 3 years old and all the run-ins with his mother have been disasters - ending in her screaming and making a huge scene and the two boys crying hysterically, so confused and having to be carried away. Prior to coming to the orphanage he and his brother were supposedly "locked" in a hole in the ground each day, left to sit and wait until their mother returned. Needless to say the experiences Abel has had with his mother have been traumatic in many ways. So, after being given the "just keep trying" look I get so many times on a daily basis in the classroom, I repeated the request of "Abel y mamá" once more. That's when Abel stared up at me and said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "mamá no hay" (basically "there is no mom"). Mamá no hay, mamá no hay, over and over, like why don't you get it? Mamá no hay, that's just the way it is tia, so stop asking me to draw her, she doesn't exist! Well that sure shut me up. It didn't seem to change the other teacher's mind as she continued to repeat the assignment. After walking around the classroom helping others for awhile, I returned to Abel's desk. He had a picture of two boys drawn on his page. I said, Abel what's this? He responded that it was "Abel and mamá Italo" (Italo is his older brother). I stared at him and he happily repeated "Italo mamá, mamá Italo!" It was heartbreaking to see this little boy say so simply that there was no mother in his world, and then so amazing to see him find a way to complete the assignment, showing us that he still knows what a mother is, and that his older brother has been just that to him for the past 6 years.

The day before I was helping the first and second graders in our daily afternoon homework session. We were just about finished and the little girls began discussing their mothers and why each of them is here at the Albergue. One of them talked about how she’s here because her mom won’t stop drinking, and she just keeps praying that she will stop one day soon. Another said that all the neighbors and the bad people always came to fight her mother, and for this reason her mom had to leave her here. A third little girl, who has been here since she was 3 months old, then spoke up and said I know why I’m here too! “Why?” The other girls asked. “Well I cried a lot, and so they brought me here.” She then added with the most innocent voice I’ve ever heard “but you know, sometimes babies cry, even adults, they sometimes cry too you know.” All I could do was hug these girls and tell them that I love them, there were no other words. And all I could think was how could a mother abandon any one of these girls, these beautiful, precious, amazing little girls?

And so this mothers day, even though I'm more than 3000 miles away and on a different continent than my mom, I feel more grateful than ever before for her unconditional love, for her endless giving, and for her always being there for me, no matter what. ... I love you mucho mom.

Easter

So Easter doesn't seem to be as big of a deal here in Peru as it is in the states - there is definitely no easter bunny and none of our kids had ever done an easter egg hunt. SO, we decided to change that! this week in my class Miss Aly and I had the kids decorate eggs and make little baskets to put them in - we also had Jenn bring in the babies from kinder to participate, it was so cute! Then today we did easter egg hunts! We did four rounds so that all the kids would get a chance to find a bunch of eggs. They went crazy running around and searching for the eggs (which were filled with candy), it was so fun! Even the teenagers (who hardly ever get excited about anything) got pretty into it. After the hunts the kids colored Easter themed coloring sheets and then we all watched a movie together and had a few pieces of easter chocolate that was donated by one volunteer's parents. Definitely a successful day!


kinder babies in the big kid classroom ready to paint eggs!



Miss Aly painting eggs with Heydi and Consuelo

concentrating!


Edwin was SUPER excited about his egg!


Showing off their Easter baskets!

with the final product

First group Easter egg hunt!!!

Jose Louis after we found his eggs! very happy baby




Cristina and Consuelo showing off their candy after the easter egg hunt

Jennifer with her easter egg hunt candy

the teenagers getting ready to start their easter egg hunt

Jose Louis all smiles after easter candy!

Jhon enjoyed smearing easter chocolate all over his face and clothes!